I’ve decided that it’s a bad idea to write in here only when I’m having some emo fit about my love life, or lack thereof.  Fact is, lots of really cool stuff has happened since I last wrote and it’s all good stuff I should write down.  I closed on the condo on June 28.  Moved in that night and slept on an air mattress.  Once it was mine, I wasn’t sleeping anywhere else.  Movers came on July 2 and the A/C went out that same day.  Had four or five days of “WTH, it’s HOT!”  Made it hard to appreciate the monumental event of purchasing my own home.  MY OWN HOME.  One buyer, unmarried.  Me.  Mine all mine.  But I learned to appreciate A/C, for what it’s worth.

Passed my spring finals with flying colors.  Final exams grades were 110% - Psychology 101, 100% - Business Law and something that gave me an A for my final grade in Art History III.

Went on a wonderful vacation to South Carolina that made me 1) appreciate flying and even learn to relax a bit during the flights and 2) have an intense desire to sell all I own and move to a shack on the beach.  I LONG for the ocean.  I feel a deep emotional connection with the ocean and distance only makes the heart grow fonder.  I yearn to go back.  To walk along the water’s edge.  Such peace.  Contentedness.  It was so wonderful and I was so sad upon returning home that I didn’t care a thing about the fact that I was getting ready to buy my own home.  What’s buying a new home compared to the ocean?  THAT is where my heart remains.  Though I do like my cozy new pad too.

New classes started two days after I got back from vacation.  No rest for the wicked.  College Algebra I, in 5 weeks.  I felt confident after the first class but quickly realized I was in over my head.  I was moving and dealing with broken A/C when I should have been studying for the first test and only managed to get an 84%.  Not even the 95% I got on the second test could save me.  GOODBYE 4.0!  Thankfully the professor let me replace that 84% with the 96% I got on the final exam since it was cumulative.  Woohoo! 4.0!  Very next week I started College Algebra II, 5 weeks.  Round Two, FIGHT!

On the non-scholastic homefront, August promises to be a very emotional month for me.  My son leaves for the Air Force on Tuesday.  And though my son didn’t live with me for the past year, it’s still hard knowing that for the next six years, he belongs to the United States Air Force.  And then my youngest leaves for college on August 18.  She’s anxious to be out and on her own and while I am anxious to reclaim my living room and hall closet, I’m going to miss having her here.  And though my oldest is still here with me, she is working now and soon will be driving herself back and forth to work and school, come September.  So I am basically at the end of my career as a mom.  There’s something so final about that.  I mean, I want them to be out on their own, successfully moving forward in life.  That’s important.  It’s just weird not to be needed any more.

And then there’s the other aspect.  I anticipate many moments spent alone.  Alone.  Alone in my empty house.  It brings to the forefront of my mind how alone I am, how single and unmarried I am.  And while, at times, I rejoice in those very words, when I am alone in my empty house is not one of those times.  That’s when the walls scream that alone is okay but sometimes it’s LONELY.  Very lonely.

Lonely sucks.

Yep, it was that easy.  Met with my realtor on Wednesday morning.  Drove by the condo that afternoon.  Fell in love with the area.  Got in to see it on Friday afternoon.  Fell in love with the condo.  Put in a bid Sunday morning.  By early afternoon, my bid was countered and re-countered.  Ten minutes later they came back with the deal of a lifetime that had me jumping for joy.  Did I mention that I -would- have paid the asking price?  I love it that much.  And now, Lord willing, it’s gonna be mine.

God is so good to me.

What a night! Well, what a weekend really, but what a way to end a fabulous weekend. I feel so amazingly refreshed and relaxed and mellow. I could go on and on about how wonderful I feel right now. I think I’ll be smiling for a week. Maybe longer. Hopefully this little buzz will get me through my exams. I think I can actually study and remember it. I think I can leap tall buildings in a single bound. I think I can CONQUER THE WORLD.

{ahem}

Yes, it was that good.

AKA - What are you, crazy?  Yes, I chose my classes for autumn quarter and if I can get residency straightened out, I will be taking four classes for twelve credit hours next fall.  Officially a full-time student.  I’m just giddy.  GIDDY, I tell you.  I will be taking Intermediate French I, Art History I, English Composition I and Psychology II.  Mmm…sounds like fun.

Summer classes are set too.  Accelerated College Algebra I and II.  I emailed the professor about the text we will be using so I can look it over to see if I can actually do the math required.  I just guessed on the placement test and apparently I guessed really well because I got the highest score in that particular group of test takers.  Doesn’t mean I can handle College Algebra but I’m hoping the text will give me an idea of what I’m up against.  Honestly, I doubt I would drop it anyway.  I would just try to brush up before summer quarter.  Dropping the class would be like admitting defeat and no way am I doing that.

The sun was out on Saturday and I took some long ‘therapy’ drives.  Sun shining through the sun roof, music blaring on the radio, and my sweet little spiffy red car.  Therapy.  Not exactly cheap at $3.79 a gallon but so worth it.  I feel less stressed than I have in a long time and it feels great.  I’m back to working out on a regular basis and I feel skinny again.  I’m also watching what I eat.  So I’m getting my stuff together.  Now that I’ve dropped the dating sites, I can really focus on school.  Which is good because I have exams in two weeks.

TWO WEEKS.

THREE EXAMS.

{activate panic mode ON}

Oh my.  I’m tired.  I was off all weekend and the girls and I shopped till we dropped then got up the next day to do it all over again.  I’ve spent so much money, I don’t even want to know how much.  But really only a tiny bit was frivolous spending.  Okay, maybe a little more than tiny.  But I’m okay with it.  One last splurge.

I heard from him today, finally.  I learned some disturbing things and we argued about how he’s a selfish bastard who doesn’t have the hearts of his kids.  He really is selfish but he doesn’t see it.  And interestingly enough, I feel better.  I talked to him as a friend and it felt natural.  Yes, I love him and yes, I will tell him some day but really?  He’s a mess.  He’s royally screwed up right now.  He needs to keep seeing his therapist or better yet, find a new one.  And it’s okay that he doesn’t call.  I feel like I can actually think about moving on.  My heart doesn’t feel so heavy and that’s a nice change from crying myself to sleep every freakin’ night.  THAT was getting old.

I have no new real potentials to speak of.  Dating potentials that is.  Currently on my plate are the daddy on the beach, the cheating artist, the younger martial arts guy, the MIA scientist, the man with way too many women in his life and the other guy I can’t recall at this point.  All just in the talking stage.  Martial arts guy has my cell #.  Others are just in the messaging stage at the moment.  Nothing serious.  Nothing that stands out as the ONE.

I did no homework this weekend.  None.  That is going to come back and bite me in the butt.  You can count on it.  On that note, I need to get to bed because I’m forcing myself to get back to working out -every- morning.  I bought a gorgeous bikini this weekend at Victoria’s Secret and I want to look as good as I can before take off.  PLANE take off, not clothes take off.  Sheesh.

I confess to deleting a few posts that I’ve decided weren’t appropriate for the direction I want to take this blog now that I’ve settled in after the divorce.  I’ve thought of coming here to write many times but it never happens.  The thought of writing pops into my mind usually while driving and if driving and texting is bad, driving and blogging is really bad.  (Then why do I get the urge to run and see if there is a blog app for my Droid?)

I feel like I need to add a disclaimer to my blog now.  I am not changing the url so those who had the link years ago will still be able to find it, including my children and other relatives.  And I won’t be editing my posts to avoid hurting feelings or offending anyone.  I’m not going to think about any of that.  I’m just going to write.  I always write from the heart, a snapshot of how I feel at that moment.  These thoughts are not always pleasant.  So if you’ve been invited to my blog in the past, feel free to continue to visit, but please understand:  I’m not hiding my feelings when I write.  If I’m not happy with you on a particular day, you might not like what you read here.  Bottom line, it’s my blog and I will write what I want.  It’s not my fault that the truth hurts some times.  If you think this might be a problem for you then I suggest you don’t read it.  I will not respond to any drama, fits or displays of temper related to what you read here.  You’ve been warned so be smart enough to stay away if you think it might be a problem for you.

I am sitting here at my desk, as giddy as I’ve ever been — and by ‘giddy’ I mean so ridiculously happy that I spontaneously burst out with whoops and woots that I simply cannot contain.  The smile that seems to be cemented on my face is big and bright and probably won’t be leaving any time soon.  The reason for all my happiness?  Shortly before 11:00 am this morning I sat before a judge who became the first person to call me by my newly-changed-back-to maiden name.  She did so as she wrote the final signature on my divorce papers.  Delighted doesn’t touch it.  Thrilled gets closer but still has a way to go.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to describe this feeling to anyone who hasn’t been there.  Even those who were along for the ride don’t quite get it.  I am free.  The last bond severed with the ink from the pen that judge was using.  She smiled at me as she gave me the details of my new found freedom.  I will never forget it.  It’s over.  It’s finally over.

In the end, I got what I wanted and more.  Some things were discovered about ex and it was just a better idea for him not to go before the judge. And while I will admit to a sadistic desire to see him stand before the judge and sweat like a whore in church *snicker* I’m happy with how things went.  It’s over, it’s really over.  And I lived to tell about it.  Thank You, Lord!

41 year old female seeks… Wait.  Wrong kind of intro.  Let’s try that again.

Hi and welcome to My Spiffy Blog.  I am the blog owner, me.  No, that’s not my real name and I don’t plan to change that.  Google is such a powerful tool these days and I don’t want the site to come up in a search engine.  So it’ll be just ‘me’ for now.

I will be single soon but was married for almost nineteen years.  Ouch.  It hurts to type that out.  That’s a long time.  While I don’t plan to go into detail about those nineteen years, I will say they weren’t all bad.  Just most of them.  We (meaning - he threatened divorce, I took him up on it, he changed his mind) decided to divorce at the end of January 2010.  There were many things that delayed the actual filing, including the passing of his mother in February and my surgery in April.  I finally filed for divorce on June 4, 2010.  We were able to be amicable through most of the filing and mediation.  At one point, we even attempted reconciliation.  Since then animosity has reigned and we’ve had two failed mediation sessions and one court victory (for me).  The final hearing is set for November 30 and believe me, I’m counting down the days.  Whatever happens, whatever the judge decides, it will be over.  The End.  The final link binding me to him will be severed.  Once and for all.  God, I can’t wait.

I’ve got a nice little apartment back in my home state.  I moved with no job, little money and a desperate need to get away.  My girls came with me.  They are 100% supportive of not only the divorce but my signing up on a dating site.  Having our own place gives us the most amazing feeling of contentment and relief.  The change has been wonderful for all three of us, literally life-changing.  I’ve been told more than once that my girls have really blossomed since we left.  That’s all I need to hear.

Currently, I am employed with a retail company.  It was the first, and only, job offer I received.  I love my job and the people I work with so it was a very good fit for me.  Also, on November 10, I was accepted as a pre-law major at a local university.  I’m very excited and I can’t wait for classes to start on January 3.  Yes, I just might become a divorce attorney.  *smirks* Between work and school (gosh, I love saying that!) I expect to be very busy.  Heck, I’m already very busy.  Never enough time.  I still have hobbies though.  I do dabble in some online gaming from time to time.  I still love photography.  I plan to join a gym shortly after The End but till then you can catch me doing laps around the apartment community from time to time.

That’s me in a nutshell.

If you’ve visited this blog in the past you may be wondering if the same person still owns it.  Yes, it’s me.  Let’s just say, life has a funny way of taking unexpected twists and turns and what used to be a blog about family and such is now a blog about the owner’s adventures as a single woman.  Quite a switch, eh?  But we have to take life as it goes or it will go on without us, leaving us in the dust of memories and intentions.  I’ve always shared my life online in whatever stage I was in; this is just a continuation of that.

So, here I am.  I hope to use the blog as a healthy outlet for expression while I travel down this new and unexpected road that life has me on.  Consider it a view of the lighter side of single life.  Besides, I think it’s gonna be really funny.  At least that’s my hope.