Liberating
You know there is something wrong when removing your profile from a dating site gives you a huge sense of relief. Online dating is time consuming and mentally draining so I made the decision to leave the site. However, I decided to keep in contact with a handful of potentials that I had already been talking to. Ha! Each day that goes by whittles that number down.
There was the nice looking older man who seemed like a great successful guy. A bit of a homebody and he was a Steelers fan but I was willing to overlook all of that. However, I couldn’t overlook the offensive ‘humor’ or the racist comments and the general negativity I caught a glimpse of when we were on the phone one night. Next morning I canceled our plans to meet. I knew it wasn’t going to work. He was clearly disappointed and said that I didn’t get to see the real him and he was sorry because he thought we’d be great together.
Then there was the younger guy…twenty years younger than the man I fell in love with, if that tells you anything. Age-wise I’m somewhere in the middle between them. He was one of the first guys to contact me on the dating site. Well, I finally met him in person and it’s true what they say, guys DO add two inches to their height. That made him about 5′ 4″ in real life. I towered over him wearing flip flops. Not like it mattered. We had nothing in common besides physical needs. Nothing. So I decided to cancel our dinner plans for the next evening and the guy actually begged me to reconsider. Begged. *shudders*
And last week I got flowers from a married man. I’m not going there, so don’t ask. Let’s just say that I thought of him as a friend. FRIEND.
So I have all that crap going on and I feel awful because I’m hurting people and turning into an ‘almost homewrecker’ and I want to retreat into my dating shell because the idea of dying old and alone doesn’t seem so bad considering the alternative. And as I keep reminding myself, “I don’t have time for all this crap! I need to study!”
But then who texts me? Or did he call? I don’t know. What I do know is that I cherish every teeny tiny bit of attention he throws my way. And even as I type that I know it’s sad and pathetic but it’s true. We spent some time together this evening and I loved every minute of it.
So I’m done with online dating for now. It’s too time-consuming, too disappointing, too mentally draining. There are a few potentials I’m still in contact with, but there is only ONE who has captured my attention and I don’t think the others have a chance while he’s still around throwing me a bone every now and then.
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