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August1

I’ve decided that it’s a bad idea to write in here only when I’m having some emo fit about my love life, or lack thereof. Fact is, lots of really cool stuff has happened since I last wrote and it’s all good stuff I should write down. I closed on the condo on June 28. Moved in that night and slept on an air mattress. Once it was mine, I wasn’t sleeping anywhere else. Movers came on July 2 and the A/C went out that same day. Had four or five days of “WTH, it’s HOT!” Made it hard to appreciate the monumental event of purchasing my own home. MY OWN HOME. One buyer, unmarried. Me. Mine all mine. But I learned to appreciate A/C, for what it’s worth.

Passed my spring finals with flying colors. Final exams grades were 110% - Psychology 101, 100% - Business Law and something that gave me an A for my final grade in Art History III.

Went on a wonderful vacation to South Carolina that made me 1) appreciate flying and even learn to relax a bit during the flights and 2) have an intense desire to sell all I own and move to a shack on the beach. I LONG for the ocean. I feel a deep emotional connection with the ocean and distance only makes the heart grow fonder. I yearn to go back. To walk along the water’s edge. Such peace. Contentedness. It was so wonderful and I was so sad upon returning home that I didn’t care a thing about the fact that I was getting ready to buy my own home. What’s buying a new home compared to the ocean? THAT is where my heart remains. Though I do like my cozy new pad too.

New classes started two days after I got back from vacation. No rest for the wicked. College Algebra I, in 5 weeks. I felt confident after the first class but quickly realized I was in over my head. I was moving and dealing with broken A/C when I should have been studying for the first test and only managed to get an 84%. Not even the 95% I got on the second test could save me. GOODBYE 4.0! Thankfully the professor let me replace that 84% with the 96% I got on the final exam since it was cumulative. Woohoo! 4.0! Very next week I started College Algebra II, 5 weeks. Round Two, FIGHT!

On the non-scholastic homefront, August promises to be a very emotional month for me. My son leaves for the Air Force on Tuesday. And though my son didn’t live with me for the past year, it’s still hard knowing that for the next six years, he belongs to the United States Air Force. And then my youngest leaves for college on August 18. She’s anxious to be out and on her own and while I am anxious to reclaim my living room and hall closet, I’m going to miss having her here. And though my oldest is still here with me, she is working now and soon will be driving herself back and forth to work and school, come September. So I am basically at the end of my career as a mom. There’s something so final about that. I mean, I want them to be out on their own, successfully moving forward in life. That’s important. It’s just weird not to be needed any more.

And then there’s the other aspect. I anticipate many moments spent alone. Alone. Alone in my empty house. It brings to the forefront of my mind how alone I am, how single and unmarried I am. And while, at times, I rejoice in those very words, when I am alone in my empty house is not one of those times. That’s when the walls scream that alone is okay but sometimes it’s LONELY. Very lonely.

Lonely sucks.

posted under Just Words

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